Relocating Your Parents

Perhaps you’ve struggled with the following circumstances as you’ve seen your parents age:

 

• Your father was walking the street, unable to find the house he’s stayed in for 3 decades, according to a neighbor who contacted you.
• Your mother has failed to take her diabetes pills, putting her life at risk.
• You went to see your mother for the holidays and noticed her refrigerator nearly empty, her bills unpaid, and her house in chaos
• Your strong-willed father fell and fractured his arm, making it difficult for him to use the stairs in his house.

 

As a result of Alzheimer’s disease or related dementia, your parent’s cognitive abilities deteriorate, or if a medical condition shifts and involves further treatment, there’s really a reason to be worried for their well-being. It could be time to think about moving them to a safer place.

However, where would she or he reside? Your first instinct may be to bring Mom or Dad into your house, but this big life change needs careful consideration, and there are several solutions to consider. This article provides guidelines and summarizes the concerns to address before making the crucial and difficult decision to move your parent.

 

The First Step is to Have Open Discussions

When deciding whether or not to move your parent to a new living environment, an open and honest conversation with your parent as well as other family members becomes an important first step. Gather your family for meetings. Your parent, partner, children, siblings, and other important people will encourage everyone else to share their perspectives and help you determine how to continue. Strong communication with all family members is the foundation of a healthy support system for an elderly parent and all family members concerned

Although some of these conversations can be complicated and emotional, certain issues must be addressed. The family, particularly your parent, will need to discuss all residential possibilities, the form of treatment required,  finances, everyone’s position in the transition, lifestyle changes, and the location of a possible new home.

You must be able to identify and communicate with all the family members concerned regarding your expectations. The following points can be useful in guiding your discussions.

 

The Amount of Care Needed

When your parent ages, her or his care needs can change and in several instances, become more difficult. It is critical to establish a plan for delivering treatment, which involves both practicality and planning. When you weigh your choices and what you can and will not be able to do for your parent, consulting with a Geriatric Care Manager or a social worker can be helpful.

• Think of your parent and whether they require continuous guidance or assistance during the day, and how this can be given. 
• Assess which everyday living tasks (such as feeding, bathing, etc) your parent can manage by themselves.
• Assess your level of comfort in offering personal treatment, such as bathing or changing an adult incontinence pad.
• Consider your own health and physical ability to determine whether you are capable of caring for your parent.
• Explore the availability of programs like those in care, adult day services, meal delivery, and visitor programs.
• If staying alongside your parent would not work or is not even an option for you, look into long-term plans and choices.
• Decide the type of medical treatment your parent will need, as well as whether adequate doctors and facilities, including transportation, are accessible in your neighborhood.
• Expect changes in your parent’s medical or cognitive condition as time passes.

 

Family Relationships

Most of your positive and negative feelings towards your parents and other family members will play a significant role in your decision to relocate or reside with a parent. Be truthful with yourself, and don’t let unresolved problems, feelings of remorse, or obligations push you to take on more than you can handle

Be clear about the major life changes that moving your parent would require for you, your parent, siblings, spouse, and children.

Try to settle previous disputes between you and your parent. Also, it is important to respect the views of your partner, children, siblings, and other family members when determining whether to relocate or bring your parent into your house. You’ll also need to have a discussion with your siblings on how often and what kind of assistance you should expect from them.

Understand that despite any cognitive or physical disabilities, your parent is an individual who is deserving of as much autonomy and dignity as possible and should be at the core of any decision-making process. The Family Caregiver Alliance provides more in-depth information through Fact Sheets such as holding a family meeting, and caregiving with Your Siblings.

 

Living Situations and Housing Options

Relocating your parent into your home is definitely a choice, but you and your family should also consider other housing options. The type of housing you select will be primarily determined by three significant factors: your parent’s care needs, your financial situation, and the service and supportive choices available in your parent’s or your neighborhood.

When determining where your parent could live, family members must discuss, comprehend, and acknowledge the advantages and disadvantages of living close to one relative over another. Choosing a location can also lead to tension among family members because those living close to the parent often shoulder the majority of the responsibility for the parent’s treatment and may assume that those living further away will not give enough support. Family members who live far away may be disappointed that they do not have more opportunities to engage in providing treatment. It is vital to have an honest conversation and come to an agreement on how you can distribute local and long-distance caregiving.

Many senior living facilities are managed and operated by religious or other groups in which your parent might have an association or interest. Inquire with your parent if they have any peers who have relocated to these facilities, and see if your parent is ready to live in the same environment.

Before making a decision, introduce your parent to more than one community, ask those that run them for permission to visit the community for a meal and a facility visit. When doing this you can review the activities schedule, menu and other things that are regularly going on. Pay close attention to how the staff communicates with the residents. Inquire with community employees as to how they can meet your parent’s preferences, hobbies, and transportation needs. If the community under consideration is a form of a licensed facility, request a copy of the facility’s enforcement history with minimum requirements, as well as the number and types of grievances lodged against the facility.

 

Other options 

• Living Independently: If possible, most people tend to live in their own homes. Community services such as meal delivery services, “friendly visitors,” housekeeping, transportation, or other in-home assistance may sometimes provide enough help for your parent to stay at home, in familiar surroundings. Keep in mind, however, that your parent will be reluctant to consider this form of assistance if he or she believes you are interfering and the assistance is unnecessary. These concerns must be resolved at a family gathering. With assistance and check-ins from relatives, a small apartment, condominium, or one-story house in their neighborhood or close to you may also be possible. Another choice is to share an apartment or house with a friend or relative. Some cities have organizations that assist in the arrangement of joint living situations.

 

• Retirement Community: Individual apartments in a multi-unit environment are common in independent retirement communities, with community meals, transportation, housekeeping services, and a variety of structured social and enrichment activities. Residents have the freedom to come and go as they please while also maintaining their privacy and reaping the benefits of a wider community environment. The facilities and prices differ from one location to the next. Some services provide access to a nurse or nurse practitioner. As care needs develop, supplementary services (such as dressing assistance) are often available for a fee. Some neighborhoods need new residents to be ambulatory (not in a wheelchair) as they move in. Some areas have affordable housing for low-income people, but with strict guidelines.
• Residential Care Facility (RCF): There are small group homes (also known as board and care homes or adult foster homes) that offer supervision, food, and support to individuals who cannot be left alone but do not need professional nursing care. Residential care facilities help in washing, cleaning, feeding, as well as social interaction and leisure activities. Private or shared rooms are available.
• • Assisted Living Facility (ALF): Individuals who are more independent but need regular supervision and assistance with housekeeping, drug control, and personal care should seek an assisted living facility. Assisted living facilities include rooms or apartment-style accommodations as well as social events on a regular basis. Meals are served in a communal dining room. Staff is on hand to help with care needs such as washing, shaving, or sleeping, and care is arranged as required by the person. Medical personnel may be on-site or available on request. The monthly cost of assisted living is dictated according to how much treatment an individual needs and varies greatly across the United States. Some assisted living facilities are specifically designed for people with Alzheimer’s disease or other memory impairments, or have a special section for them. These “dementia care” or “memory care” units have a special security-protected environment, as well as social and other activities tailored to the residents’ abilities.
  • Intermediate Care Facility (ICF)– This form of facility offers 24-hour treatment for those who need assistance with washing, dressing, going to the bathroom, and walking. Individuals in these facilities are unable to function independently and need nursing care, which is not available 24 hours a day. Residents typically need less treatment than that provided in skilled nursing facilities.
  • Skilled Nursing Facility (SNF): Also known as nursing homes, offer nursing services 24 hours a day and are designed to provide high standards of personal and medical treatment, such as injection administration, blood pressure control, ventilator management, and intravenous feedings to individuals who are unable to operate independently. People who are living in skilled nursing facilities generally need assistance with the majority of their self-care needs; delivering this level of care in the home will be incredibly difficult. If residents meet certain financial and medical criteria, Medicaid (Medi-Cal in California) can help cover the costs. On a doctor’s orders, Medicare can pay for a time-limited stay after hospital discharge.

• The Eden (or Greenhouse) Alternative: is a program in nursing homes around the country that aims to make the community more elder-centered and less institutional. These are built to allow residents as much freedom and engagement as possible while also making them feel more at home. It is encouraged to interact with plants, animals, and children.
• The Program for All-Inclusive Care (PACE): is intended for people 55 and older who have been approved by their state of residence as nursing-home-eligible but can live at home with the complement of health and supportive services. This growing care alternative, often referred to as a “nursing home without walls,” is available in many, but not all, parts of the world. The majority of participants are Medicaid-eligible.
• Continuing Care Retirement Communities (CCRCs) (sometimes called “Life Care”) provide independent, supported, and skilled nursing care all in one location. A disruptive transition to a new community is not needed if a person’s condition worsens. These societies are often very broad and require a significant admission fee.
• Veteran’s Communities: may be available in your state and provide different levels of treatment. These communities enable a veteran (or their spouse) to live in the same neighborhood, ranging from independent living with supportive health and social services to skilled nursing facilities.

Regardless of the type of facility you choose, make a point of visiting each one. And do not be afraid to ask lots of questions. An initial inspection could show a facility that is clean, smells nice, has staff that interacts with residents actively but gently, and where residents are happy with their “home.”

 

When Your Parent Moves In With You

If you and your parent decide that the best place for your parent is in your house, be aware that living with a parent will most likely result in a change in family roles. A once-authoritarian parent may become more dependent on you—you may become the guardian who directs and governs many aspects of your parent’s life while attempting to maintain as much control as necessary for your parent. You might have less time for your partner and yourself. You will need to enlist your children’s assistance with additional household duties, such as caring for a grandparent. These shifts in roles can be difficult for anyone.

Despite the difficulties, many adult children agree that supporting and caring for their parents is one of the most satisfying experiences they have ever had. Parents can contribute to the family by sharing their experiences and becoming an important part of your household. Grandchildren have a once-in-a-lifetime chance to learn about and absorb family history. Caregiving provides an exceptional opportunity to repay what your parent once did for you. When it’s time for your parents to relocate or move, let us help you in finding that suitable option for your parents that meets their specific needs. Talk to us about we can further help you by scheduling a free, no-obligation consultation today.